Nobody Knows me like You

Is God even real? As I sit here & breathe I ask myself..is He real? As I rotate on this planet floating in space...I ask who put me on this planet? Who put me in this freakin mess...cuz I sure didnt put myself here...I cuss & say F-this...as if Im in control...why is there this battle in me?...why is EVERYTHING so hard...why do I struggle sooo much? Bcuz im not in control? All I have found in this life that works is JESUS. I cant let Him go! I could go & do a thousand different things that arent good for me...I could get drunk, get high, sleep around,(as if I havent done that) get a lot a friends & talk about nothing cuz thats whats popular...that doesnt make people uncomfortable. I could focus on my looks, get plastic surgery. I could be so motivated for money & success that I cant sleep at night. I COULD DO IT. But I guess im looking for real life. Everyone knows deep in their heart that doesnt amount to sh*t...Cuz we still die. I want to know what the f*** does anything amount to? what is the freakin point, unless you know where your going after this brief period of so called life. Its too much for me so I have to pray to a God that has proven so so so so many times that He is real. Ive been kicked out of church Ive been dislike by too many people. But I cant really care about that too much. Because I know God is still real the Bible is still true...& thats what I believe. Though I would like to go after other things I know that this life is too short and unknown when our last day is. & theres too many people who get so caught up in this life....Its good...but it aint that good! To miss out on Jesus who died to save us from ourselves....dont you think this world needs saving from itself...cmon just watch the news...just look at yourself. I believe that God made me this way for a reason...Dont get me wrong I know He did make some people to be arquiteks. I know the important life changing things that people do & accomplish is important it has its place in this world... I know He made Einstein...He helps people discover what has always already been there haha. I know He made beauty Hes creative. He made marriage & Love well He is Love...And He made all the animals & insects they are so intelligent, this world (the nature part) is so beautiful.... But lets remember theres nothing new under the sun....& the creation can never take the place of the One who created all this!...People are so stupid including me...But at least Im acknowledging the One who made me...& Ive been thru enough shi* & I still know & believe, CUZ HES REAL...I could go anywhere do anything crazy things( actually thats not even true God is a jealous God He wouldnt have it, He would be like, naw she mine)...but I believe, but I believe & Im gonna keep on freakin believing thru hell & high water cuz God is the only One who has proven His self to me. The Only One.